That "new girlfriend/when a trump is acceptable" issue is quite difficult to judge isnt it. Almost as difficult to judge as when to attempt doing it up the wrongun.

whilst hoping she doesn't trump

Edited

I'm guessing my Wolfette won't own up to this one so I'll do it for her...

My mum was in the car on a motorway with her boss a few years back and he made an idle comment about the lorry in front being from the Czech Republic. She asked how he knew that and he nodded to the sticker on the back and said "CZ" ...to which my mum replied "how can you tell were he is from just because you can see his head?"

This place gets more like MSN or Facebook everyday.

Remember when jurassic park was in,
One of mi nephews got a dinasaour (figure) for christmas on the box it said "MADE WITH REAL DINASAOUR SKIN" my mum had been on the sherry so i said look at this mum dinasaour made with real dinasaour skin,so she stroked it and said OH yes it has hasnt it....When was the last time you stroked a dinasour mum..

Was in the Blue Lion in Newton a couple of weeks ago on a leaving do, and left about 10pm to get the train back to Warrington. Got to the station and the train was delayed, so waited for about 10 mins, then a train turned up. There was no announcement so just got on it, sat down and waited. After a while, I was thinking to myself that this journey was longer than I thought, so I got off at the next stop and ended up getting off at Wavertree Technology Park.

There was no trains back so had to wait for one to go to Lime Street, then go back to Warrington. By this time I was busting for a pish, so went looking around for a bush (there was no toilets). Found a perfect place, but before I took it out, I started trickling.



Ended up having a nice pish mark all the way down my leg. However, instead of fretting about it and hiding it, I just stayed around, got the train, got to LIme Street and then ended up waiting around for the next train back to Wire. Got a few funny looks but bizarrely I wasn't bothered. I was actually quite proud how straight the line was! Got on the train, put my feet up and was back in Warrington before you know it. Ended up getting home just before midnight.

I think I was more embarrassed at the last Cardiff Millenium Magic. One of the games had finished and everyone was walking out, I forgot my coat. I rushed back to get it, and I was rushing back to catch up with everyone, I turned a corner and went slap bang straight into Terry O'Connor. I brushed him down, straightened his tie and apologised profusely! He just laughed it off and strolled away into the vicinity of the commentary box!

Fare play to ya,for even admitting that.........................................................................You can get them incontinent pants ya know..

Well thats it for me this, Who should be a MOD process has gone right out the window
















[size=59Sorry Debs [/size

I can think of loads.

Getting my zip stuck in my foreskin springs to mind. I knew it was a problem instantly by the noise it made, I didn't just nick it, I zipped half my manhood up. I couldn't fix it, so shouted my Dad, he tried to coax it out, my Mum was viewing, for some reason, and I honestly don't know the reason why, we seemed to have a house full of people round, unless word just spread, I can recall my Grandad having a good gander. Various pairs of hands trying different ways, methods etc.

I was only about eight or nine (I swear it wasn't last week.), and at that age your not sort of, that aware of embarassment really, but I can recall not kinda being cool with my entire family staring at my widge. Anyhow, my Dad sorted it somehow, I avoided hospital, just a bit tender for a few days, just imagine a blood orange, same.

When i was in school i had to get the bus there and back, from town to sankey, and one time on the way home i realised i didnt have enough money so i just payed half the fair and thought id get away with it, since the bus was full of schoolies. However, when my 'stop' came about halfway to town. the driver pulled over, turned around and said "somebodys getting off here, who is it? Im not moving this bus untill they own up to it"
So theres me at the back trying not to look at him, glancing inocently out the window, and yet the bus driver continued to stare at everyone, so in the end i just got up and walked down the bus and straight out the door, with everyone staring at me, and an evil look off the driver, it was well embarrassing haha im never doing that again

I've got loads so I'll start with something small and recent.

Left pub on Saturday slightly tipsy after the match and went to Tesco to get some food. I bought a chicken wrap, a Diet Coke and a Twirl chocolate bar. Went to pay at the self serve checkout and got through scanning the first two items. When I scanned the Twirl, for some reason the screen flashed up 'Assistance Required.' At which point I held the chocolate bar in the air and said quite loudly; "Do I need ID to buy this?"

Mates didn't let me forget it the rest of the night.

Tripping over a Muslim/Sikh woman who was kneeling down in Alton Towers yesterday knocking us both over

Oh yeah i forgot one.

I walked into Mcdonalds and asked for a cheese & onion pasty, the woman just looked at me weird



Completely forgot where i was

KIN BELTER...

Snapped one of these once. Painful, and embarassing.

Maybe she was playing Hide & Sikh.

Some banjo strings are made to stretch...





Mi mate done his once blood everywhere i thought he had been slashed...

What do you call a Sikh in a night club, Dan Singh.

Hope you like these jokes, Amir all week.

Doesn't help it was at closing time and was in front of the queues of people waiting at the exit

How good was the Valhalla that time lol

valhalla isnt at alton towers



but yeah, valhalla was good when we went

at a Year 11 prom at my first school as a teacher me and my science teacher mate very drunk peeing up against the black glass of the posh hotel the do was at, only to find out that we couldn't see through the black glass into the ballroom where the event was, but that all the students and staff had been watching us through the glass stagger across the lawn and up against the glass to relieve ourselves. a verbal warning from the head ensued for the pair of us the following monday.

at the same school, with the same teacher forgetting it was parents evening until we had supped about seven pints each at the local pub. we arrived late and very sheepish.

rushing back to my classroom teaching a year 8 class and trapping the front of my trousers in the door handle and ripping my trousers from the front right the way round to the back. had dressed quickly that morning and not being able to find any clean under crackers just through on my dads bright red m+s Y fronts. Had to teach sat down til my girlfriend arrived with another pair of pants.

too many more to mention here...

York 79

And they say education has gone to the dogs.

during a fishing match in the early 90's i found myself bursting for a slash,the stretch of the river trent we were on was frequented by pleasure cruisers pootling up and down all day,unable to hold it in any longer i flopped out and started to relieve myself.mid slash a vessel containing what looked like the burton upon trent womens institute chugged along no more than ten yards from me,i looked at a prunella scales lookalike while i was shaking away merrily,i tried to face her off but the resulting embarrassment caused me to miss several bites and finish out of the money.