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| Can't find the other one, seems to have expired, so I'll begin.
I have a slight problem.
Collections at work. Costs me more to flipping work here than I earn some days, collection for Tina's rabbit having an operation, sponsoring Barrington's son not to be a wassock fo half an hour, the list is endless.
Most recent one is a collection for some flowers for Jackie. Why? She had a few days off recently, she's not leaving, what are we collecting for her for?
Well, apparently, whilst out with a colleague a couple of weeks ago she felt quite ill. Colleague offered to take her to the hospital but she said no, just take me home. At home she feels worse so her husband calls an ambulance. At hospital they decide she's got a serious problem with her gall bladder and will have to undergo immediate surgery. Whilst on the table, Jackie arrests and they have to shock her to resuscitate her. Awful. However she's since made a full recovery and is back at work.
So, it would appear we're having a collection for someone who's died and then come back to life. My issue is this. For a normal collection, say, for someone who's leaving or for someone who's ill long term i usually default to a quid. Now, how much is resurrection worth? Is it more or less than a quid? Fifty pence, two pounds? I don't know.
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| It's a tricky one.
Thing is a resurrection is a lot more glamorous, so would merit something more than a quid. However, the fact that she's had this resurrection means she will eventually pop off again. So, are you willing to give twice?
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| Stuff it.
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| Cards - expensive (considering it is a bit of printed card) ornaments that stop off briefly on the mantlepiece on their way to the recycling bin.
The Mother's day card i sent this year didn't even manage to navigate the postal system so that was a waste of money and effort. My wife's admittedly, but still.
Talking of work-based inconvenient pleasantries, Mrs Mild's old place had a tradition of bringing sweets or biscuits back from holiday, so you'd have to spend half a day schlepping around to find something, rather than enjoying yourself. Generally ended in failure and a purchase from the airport anyway.
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| I hate the holiday gift thing. One lady always brings back shell/bead bracelets, awful things.
I'm always getting emails at work asking for donations for leaving presents for some person I've never even met before.
Or one's that tell me Karen from Purchase accounts is leaving to have a baby, blah de blah. I've never even seen Karen.
However, as its my last day in the office tomorrow I am fully expecting a huge send off.
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| Quote ="dum-dum"Stuff it.'"
Best to leave it for a couple of weeks - might still be a bit raw after the op
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| Lots of shouting going on. Mr Deputy Speaker is sorting them out.
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| Ah.
Gift or present.
One of [ithose[/i ones. The pudding or dessert. The greens or vegetables.
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| Depends if the vacation was in France. I like to bring toilet rolls back.
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| Quote ="dum-dum"Depends if the vacation was in France. I like to bring toilet rolls back.'"
And stack 'em on the laminated floor of your 'little boy's room?'
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| its the main reason i work for myself to avoid collections when it did used to happen i used to deny knowledge of the person
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| I have a pound coin attached to an elastic wrist strap that I use in a Top Cat stylee for these unpleasant events.
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| Also why the hell should you have to bring Cakes into the office for everyone when it's your birthday? I take the time off to avoid it.
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| Those weird little things that we're programmed to fit to the side of our toilets?
Toilet duck.
Domestos away.
Parazone exterminator.
Why do we do that?
For about ten years I've been buying those things, irrespective of that, I still clean my toilet, I don't want people coming around to my Secret Hill Top Lair (not that they can get past the portcullis) and seeing an awful bottom stripe, hell, I'll sort that out.
The dangling chemical pouch does not sort that shizzle out.
They cost two sheets them bad boys, bought some Sally Sainsbury's one's, point nine of a queen.
These mo-fo's contain depleted uranium.
Consumer watch, don't buy this stuff.
Believe, I grew up on The Holderness Plain in the nineteen seventies, you want end up like me?
No.
Don't make the kids breathe the chemicals I had to.
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| Ooh! Do you mean Wisey's, Sandra?
Our friends had a huge lumbering mongrel called Dudley. A wonderful dog who used to drink the blue water out of the bog. We called him Toilet Dud. Much as it pained me to use the T word. The fact that the word 'toilet' is used as part of the brand tells you exactly the sort of people those products are pitched for.
Toiletmy.
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| Quote ="WormInHand"Ooh! Do you mean Wisey's, Sandra?
Our friends had a huge lumbering mongrel called Dudley. A wonderful dog who used to drink the blue water out of the bog. We called him Toilet Dud. Much as it pained me to use the T word. The fact that the word 'toilet' is used as part of the brand tells you exactly the sort of people those products are pitched for.
Toiletmy.'"
Have you been drinking again Wormy?
what would you rather it was called? Lavatory Llama, ter su, bog buffalo?
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| Quote ="hull smallears"Have you been drinking again Wormy?
what would you rather it was called? Lavatory Llama, ter su, bog buffalo?'"
Any of the above, Smallie dear, all are acceptable and do not attempt to polish a turd.
I'm loathe to invent names for a product when it is that product itself which is most offensive - Sandra is quite right- but if I was forced I'd be tempted by Bog Bug or Loo Tube. Or Lavvie Larvae, for Ginge's Crapper (I know, another brand name, but [ioriginal[/i). Nowt should substitute a bog brush and a bit of bleach, though.
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| Quote ="WormInHand"Any of the above, Smallie dear, all are acceptable and do not attempt to polish a turd.
I'm loathe to invent names for a product when it is that product itself which is most offensive - Sandra is quite right- but if I was forced I'd be tempted by Bog Bug or Loo Tube. Or Lavvie Larvae, for Ginge's Crapper (I know, another brand name, but [ioriginal[/i). Nowt should substitute a bog brush and a bit of bleach, though.'"
Bleach doesn't kill bugs u know it just stains the pot white
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| Quote ="gingerspice"Bleach doesn't kill bugs u know it just stains the pot white'"
A popular myth probably perpetrated by those manufacturers of fancy, less-effective products like Toilet Duck, designed to appeal to the appalled sensibilities of the self-proclaimed 'middle classes'. In fact, bleach is the king of germ killers, and faster-working too. Keep it quiet, though, or fancy 'fragranced' and coloured poor, or rather, extremely expensive imitations could become redundant.
AND it it keeps the pot white too! Hurrah for bleach and rubber gloves!
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| What good is staining the pot white? I've got a green bath, sink and ter. It's real nice.
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| Quote ="Little Robin Redhead"It's a tricky one.
Thing is a resurrection is a lot more glamorous, so would merit something more than a quid. However, the fact that she's had this resurrection means she will eventually pop off again. So, are you willing to give twice?'"
Surely we are all going to 'pop off' at some point though LLR?
Or is there a special 'pop off' that only those who have had a resurrection get?
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| In answer to the Question Sandy. So she wants flowers for not being dead then you should ask for a Vietnamese ladyboy for the same reason.
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| Well after smashing my screen on my iPhone I have just repaired it and I was easier than I thought. Plus I payed £5.50 instead of £50 which was nice.
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| Seems to be a common fault with iPhones that.
Been wracking my brains but I cannot think of a sporting event worse than The Boat Race.
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| Quote ="Sandra The Terrorist"Seems to be a common fault with iPhones that.
Been wracking my brains but I cannot think of a sporting event worse than The Boat Race.'"
Certainly not one that gets television coverage. That Shrovetide football game in Ashbourne would be better, if overlong and hard to manage, or the Eton Wall game would be no worse.
It's the event I guess. Like the RU six nations and darts.
F1 - not my thing, but the race fair enough. Qualifying, if you're a die-hard okay. But I know people who watch the practice session - that is an illness.
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