Ben Cockaine : "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

A bloke goes to doctors for a check-up, as he has been a bit run down of late.

After the examination the doctor says "Your fine.....nothing wrong". He then pauses and then carries on "Well.......Apart from your d*ck that is. I’m a bit confused as to why it’s orange in colour. Do you work with chemicals at all?"

The man replies "No I don't work."

"well......." the doctor says "What do you do during your unemployment then?"

The man thinks for a bit and replies "I don't do anything I just stay home and watch my porn videos and eat Cheesy Wotsits".

Every tme Hull FC score a try my dog does a summersalt.
If i kick him hard enough he does two.

[url=http://viewtopic.php?t=433436Enough said[/url

2 Rovers fans in a vauxhall zafira have driven off a cliff in wales. officers at the scence said its an appalling tragedy, as this car was capable of seating 7

A banana and a vibrator are sat on the bed,
the banana says to the vibrator "I don't know why your shaking she's going to eat me in a minute".

The family of Hull FC Rugby supporters head out shopping one Saturday before Christmas.

While in a sport shop, the son picks up a KR rugby jersey and says to his sister, "I've decided I'm going to be a KR supporter and I'd like this jersey for Christmas!"

The sister is outraged at this, promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your mother."

Off goes the little lad, KR jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mam," "Yes, son ?" "I've decided I'm going to be a KR supporter and I'd like this jersey for Christmas."

The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your dad ."

Off he goes with the KR jersey in hand and finds his father. "Dad?" "Yes, son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a KR supporter and I would like this jersey for Christmas."

The father is outraged at this, promptly whacks his son round the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in that rag !"

About half an hour later, they are all back in the car heading home. The father turns to the son and says, "Son, I hope you've learned an important lesson today?" The son turns to his father and says, "Yes, Father, I have." Father says, "Good son, and what is it?"

The son replies "I've only been a KR supporter for an hour and already I hate you FC ba*t*rds!!!"

teacher asks 2 kids to explain meaning of the word contagious,1st one says my brother has swine flu hes contagious,very good says teacher,2nd one says when morgan took over at kr my dad said it will take that contagious to win any trophies

be quicker than Agar though!

i got it about agar but didnt find it funny so i changed it

mick and paddy reading head stones near a church,mick says fu-k theres a bloke here who was 152,paddy says what was his surname?mick says it was miles from london.

Honestly!some people will take offence at anything!i met a bloke with no legs at the bus stop this morning and all i said was....

how you getting on

After having a nice 69 with his wife, Brian remembered he had a dentist appointment. He was afraid the dentist would notice the smell of fannie on his breath so he brushed his teethed, flossed and had a swig of Listerine.
As he arrived at the dentist, he ate a packet of extra strong mints, just to make sure.
His turn came up and he took a seat in the dentist chair, feeling confident and relaxed he opened his mouth wide, the dentist got close and said "did u have a 69 before u came here”?
Brian says " how do u know? does my breath smell like fannie?"
the dentist replied " no , you have a skidmark on your forehead"

When asked if he preferred legs or breast, paddy said he had a particular fondness for shaved fannies. He was informed this wasn't an option when choosing a KFC bargain bucket.

Saw a rovers supporter drowning in the river Humber, So i contacted the emergency services. I hope they saved him, otherwise i would be a waste of a second class stamp.

quality

My wife just found ou she was adopted. She was devastated, and kept asking, why didnt they want me? I took her in my arms and comforted her. After a while still crying she kissed me and asked me to make love to her. In hindsight , taking her passionately from behind, shouting "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?! wasnt a good idea.

going to use that

Sorry.

After the death of his husband, Matt Lucas is going through his most recent fan mail. One such letter is especially touching

"I'm very sorry to hear about your sad loss. I realise that this is not the best time to say this, but I just wanted to tell you how much I love you, and that I think you are so very attractive and cuddly. You see, you remind me of my late wife

Yours Jack Tweed"

Two cowboys got off their horses in town.As they tied them to the rail,one walked round to the back of his horse,lifted its tail,and kissed it on the rse.
"Say Tex" asked his friend,"Why did you do
that?"

"Waall pardner,I have got chapped lips."

"Does that cure it?"

"No, but it sure as hell stops me licking them!"

Paddy goes into a wine shop and asks if they sell Ellesmere port.

and did they?