I would of thought that the grass would grow with no problems at all given all the 5h1te that's been put on it this season.

Brilliant

One of the big causes of damage to the Old Trafford pitch or any pitch is the warm up prior to kick off when both teams plus their reserves plus trainers and coaching staff are all on the pitch at the same time.
Ask Keith.

....and the mass gang bangs among the wendyballers when one of them scores a goal.

Edited for accuracy

dam forgot about the main task in puffball was to score a corner